Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels (Review in verse)

Wasn’t plannin’ on
spendin’ a nite
with a bunch of ‘em
petty thieves.

That too,
not any of ‘em
shandy-drinkin’ sods.
But these bunch of losers
caught my eye
with their detached wit
and more importantly,
Jason Statham.

‘Bacon’, he called himself…
Never thought
bald was beautiful
until I laid my eyes
on his shiny pate.
(His throaty voice
did me in!)

Oh…
had to hold back me
blimey mouth from whisperin’:
“We could make a great breakfast;
you bacon, me eggs! ”

Right.
Thereon,
the plot had a hard on…

Losin’ a shitload of quid
on a poker game
these jack-a-lads
find themselves
in a soup –
more of a foul
clam chowder.

Taking the cue,
the whole hog
of baddies —
“Fucking northern monkeys
and southern fairies”
make an entrance.

The underhanded Harry “Hatchet” Lonsdale
and his nasty right hand man,
Barry the Baptist;
the crazy ass Afro, Rory Breaker:
and psychotic Big Chris
headline the dysfunctional quartet
who are after
our stupid stiffs:
Eddy (Nick Moran),
Tom (Jason Flemyng),
Soap (Dexter Fletcher),
and Bacon (Jason).

Far from your
usual gangsta
flick,
deadpan humour,
pokerfaced irony,
and suggestive violence
fight it out
for screen space.

Razor-sharp dialogues
and stylish cuts,
make it a great watch,
if not twice,
once.
For anyone
who begs to differ,
I only say
“Piss of you nonce!”

Surprise package: Sting plays Eddy's father.
Thumbsupski: Guy Ritchie’s screenplay makes for a friggin’great mind-fuck!
Best Dialogues: “Your stupidity may be your one saving grace.”
“When you dance with the devil, you wait for the song to stop.”
When Big Chris with his matter-of-fact, void-of-any-sentiment look
says at the end of the film “It’s been emotional!” — the movie comes full circle — a fuckin’ vicious circle at that!